Just when you thought this blog was history--BAHHHHHH, just kidding--the saaaaxy is back. Thanks to Edmond for this tip, and for being an enabler in my posting of bad puns and lame art history jokes.

BANGABLE DAME NO. 2 Emmy Hennings, Dada performer and poet

The Evidence:

On a more serious note (and so I don't get harassed again for seemingly objectifying a woman), I kind of feel bad for Emmy. From an article I read: "She lived on the verge of poverty most of her life, was the victim of male domination (even among some of the Dadaists), was a failure as a mother, and as a stage performer was constantly uprooting and moving without destination or purpose. It is not surprising that she viewed life as senseless and oppressive." And thusly (or for some reason that could not be garnered from a 10-minute speed read) she abandoned Dadaism for Catholicism. Now that--the confirmed sixth-grader in me can agree--is depressing. But at least she had a killer bob and bangs. Total girl crush.

Next Time: A dude. That's as far as I've gotten.

This one's a shoutout to the hometown, the City of Brotherly Love. Shoutout number two goes to Miranda, who first alerted me of Cornelius' existence.

HISTORIC BONER NO. 18 Robert Cornelius, American chemist and pioneer in photography

The Evidence:

For five dollars, you could have commissioned Cornelius to capture your likeness in one of his two daguerreotype studios in Philadelphia. I’m not sure how much $5 was worth back in the 1840’s—though Google tells me an 1840 Liberty Seated dollar could run upwards of a grand these days—but common sense tells me that that is a small price to pay for being in the same room as that face/hair. The reduced exposure time of one minute left so much more time to the imagination, right, right?

And I don't know where that shot at the work ethic of my fellow Americans came from, though I have been watching a lot of Married...With Children lately...

Next Time: Another lady, though I don't yet know whom (don't want to disappoint the straight guys and produce another "Anne Hathaway's more boring cousin"...)

I present you not with presidents today, but rather a 2-for-1: the first in both the Notorious Lovers and Bangable Brüdern series. Thanks to Tyler for the initial Bosie tip.

HISTORIC BONER(S) NO. 17 Lord Alfred "Bosie" Douglas (left), poet, and Francis Douglas, Viscount Drumlanrig (right), politician

The Evidence:

* Of other people

The Douglas family was a piece of work. Their grandfather died in a reported shooting accident, which many believed to have been a cover for suicide. One of their uncles died during the first ascent of the Matterhorn (a rumored homicide), while another committed suicide by slitting his throat (only years after attempting to abduct a little girl). Their father accused both Bosie and Oscar Wilde of sodomy, a criminal offense in Britain at the time, which prompted such endearing father-son exchanges as "I detest you," "you miserable creature," and "I cried over you the bitterest tears a man ever shed, that I had brought such a creature into the world...you must be demented." And to top that off, Francis died at the age of 27 in a mysterious hunting accident, which may or may not have been a suicide or homicide.

And, oh wait, I hate Troy Aikman. His image is now ruining this moment for me. -40.0.


That said, I want to thank Thea and her blogmates for bringing to my attention "The Pocket Book of Boners." Illustrated by Dr. Seuss.

Next Time: An American Chemist and Photographer

AND the dudes are back! I'm not sure to whom I ought to attribute this tip, other than to a Jezebel thread. Email me if he was your idea!

HISTORIC BONER NO. 16 Zhou Enlai, First Premier of the People's Republic of China

The Evidence:

Come on, guys, tomorrow's Valentine's Day. You know you'd rather be cozying up with the "midwife" of the Great Leap Forward than with your boyfriend/girlfriend/cat.

And I know I'm mispronouncing his surname. I cite poetic license.

Next Time: A Notorious Lover, No. 1 (we're making this a series, guys...)

'Tis that time of year when the enterprising young ladies of America enable my gluttony. And so, with a mouthful of Girl Scout cookies, I present the first in the long-awaited series:

BANGABLE DAME NO. 1 Juliette Gordon Low, founder of the Girl Scouts

The Evidence:

More on the first two points: Juliette and her husband, William, were nearing divorce when he died in 1905, so perhaps her plight in being a single woman was not as trying as for some. However, William apparently left his entire estate to another woman, to which Juliette (later) replied, "No one was going to get away with that!" She fought the system and homegirl took back $500,000, even though it was in settlement money. Bitch still got some of her green, I guess.

Next Time: Communist China

I felt a little unworthy of the cause when I discovered my own "research" had not uncovered the hotness that was the following BDiH. He was instead first brought to my attention by Ingrid, who is herself part of a very worthy cause (we history people love our libraries!).

HISTORIC BONER NO. 15 Lewis Powell, would-be assassin

The Evidence:

Yeah, he was a racist, yeah, he tried to murder someone, and yeah, he had a violent temper, but he wasn't the one who assassinated Lincoln. And he was really, really hot.

And I'm just going to leave it at that.

Next Time: It's finally time for the ladies!

Whoop whoop! Shoutout to all the rad sites that have given mention to BDiH in the past few days, and also to everyone who has sent in submissions. My inbox is overflowing with hotness! I promise to be on my A-game and publish the pie charts more promptly, since it will obviously take some time to highlight all of these boners (please note: I use the term freely to describe hot guys in my everyday speech. I know it sounds juvenile, but then again, I suppose it's an adequate reflection of me). Now to get on with the important stuff!

I have had an overwhelming number of suggestions for one dead dude in particular (yes, I have had a similar number for Lord Byron, who I will make mention of shortly). I had no idea there was such a following for this guy! So I want to thank everyone who has submitted his name, and I'd like to give a shoutout to these ladies in particular, since they were among the first submitters: Ani, Jenna, Danielle, Marisa and Emily. Thanks, guys!

HISTORIC BONER NO. 14 Nikola Tesla, inventor and engineer

The Evidence:

I don't know why Tesla wasn't on my radar earlier: his belief that women would become the future dominant sex, his revulsion to pearl earrings (sorry, Vermeer), his reasons for being a vegetarian, his Teslascope for communicating with extraterrestrial beings. And though I'm on the fence about this whole celibacy thing, whether or not that makes the unattainable more appealing, it seems the chicks were totally into him around the turn of the century. Though, uh, there was that whole pro-eugenics thing...

And let's just assume that all posts that follow are "submission editions" for the time being, in light of the number of excellent tips I have received.

Next Time: American Would-be Assassin